When I woke up this morning, the heaviness that weighed on my soul the last few days was no longer there.
I’ve been through enough of these downward cycles to know that there would be an end. And I learned a long time ago to ride these waves gently. To let things settle to the bottom rather than thrash around in activity or drama.
And I’ve also learned that these are the times I am closest to dissolution, the dark mother, the void.
In a perverse way, I enjoy this journey. Both for the experience itself – yes, there is an exquisitely poignant beauty to being empty – and for the gifts that I will always bring up with me.
This time, I came up with the awareness that I want to live my spirituality more artistically. FUN is the core theme that is bubbling up demanding to be firmly established.
Fun, as in the happy joy of being alive on the Earth plane, on the Earth play.
It’s not a word I easily align with. It’s not a word that’s used in the same thought-form as Priestess.
Etymologically, the word Fun, came from roots that meant simple, foolish, and silly. Meanings that are still relevant today, which is probably why many more people don’t embrace this particular F word more fully.
In the Tarot, as you probably well know, the Fool is the very first card. Possibly innocent, possibly misguided, possibly totally open to what lies ahead.
Simple, foolish, and silly, is exactly what my parents wanted me to avoid appearing as, when they discouraged my make-believe piano recitals or rhythmic drumming on the table. As the eldest, responsibility had to be fostered within me. As a child of German parents, a serious intellectualness had to be cultivated. As a child in a German family who migrated to Australia, there were standards to be maintained.
It’s taking me a long time to shake this persona loose, and recover the essence that I carried onto this Earth play.
When you commit to a higher level of life, a more authentic and soulful life, there will be painful cracks in your persona too, as energetic archaeology digs through the layers of who you believe yourself to be.
It is too easy to develop a Priestess persona that is distant, aloof, profound, and, I think, spiritually arrogant. But when you cast your soul on the oceans of Truth, the Truth of You will be washed clean.
I am not resisting this process.