My Search for Authenticity and Joy as an Entrepreneur

Recently, I decided to draw a line in the sand. I’ve slowly come to realise that I’m incapable of living falsely, and and I would be wise to give up trying. Foolish or brave, I’m not entirely sure.

While I’ve already done this in many parts of my life, like my career, marriage, and where I choose to live, it’s taken me awhile to come to this realisation with my entrepreneurship journey. As someone who desires to shape a prosperous vocation around my calling, for the last ten years, I’ve assiduously undertaken business and mindset courses, read books, joined groups of those who I believed could show me how.

Clearly I learned a lot. Maybe too much because I suspect my learning actually slowed me down and got in the way of my heart’s joy.

So now the time has come for me to sort the wheat from the chaff with regard to what is right for me, I’m ready to ditch most of what I learned, and use my inner compass of my soul.

What does living falsely mean?
The bottom line for me is feeling how my body responds to tasks that I think I need to do in order to succeed in my biz. There is a distinctive feeling of pushing away from the task, almost as if it was an unappetising plate of food that was put in front of me. It’s visceral, and the physical feeling of queasiness is alongside a tight band across my heart and chest area, and a grimace of distaste on my face.

The ironic thing is that I specialise in Feminine Consciousness. And Feminine Consciousness expresses itself through the intuition, the heart, and the physical body when it’s trying to get your attention. You see, it doesn’t “do” words, per se. It’s more pre-verbal. Words hover at the edges of awareness, as if they’re in a fog. You experience sensations and feelings, as a result of your visceral reactions to ideas and thoughts.

What happened when I kept trying to force myself to follow recommended strategies was that I ended up with lacklustre products and services that didn’t capture the depth and essence of what I desired to communicate. It felt patchwork, out-of-context, and confusing. I created products that I didn’t feel joyful about and had no desire to hustle on to others.

So what I’ve chosen to do instead is to take the pressure off myself to earn an income quickly (what a relief!) and allow myself to just open up my treasure warehouse to see the light of day.

There is a vastly different dynamic that occurs within you when you write about your work for profit and when you write about your work to friends and sisters. The sense of falseness has entirely gone.

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