The Push-Pull of Initiation

You may have sensed already that I’m in the middle of another uplevelling. Another initiation. Another phase of pushing into my fears and discomforts.

It’s a see-saw.

The hardest thing, I believe, is figuring out what is egoic resistance and what is intuitive guidance.

As an example, I’ll open up my current lesson.

I like to have a lush choice of ideas and options, so I’m always exploring different teachers, and reading lots of material. I expect of myself that once I’ve composted these expansive thoughts into my own subconscious, that my imagination and my intuition will be inspired with my own way forward, and maybe even throw in something original and unexpected into the mix. I rarely follow anyone else’s system fully. I tweak, adjust, blend with what feels appropriate.

Which is what’s happened. Reliably.

But some of the way forward kinda scares me. And I’m wondering if it’s a proceed with caution sign from my intuition, or a stop sign from my ego.

What I’m struggling with, is …

There’s a Wild Queen group of women I’ve encountered who are exhilaratingly radical and crazy. Their income results are incredibly high, and with incredible rapidity. It’s like coaching on cocaine. They are ruthless in a burning-light kind of way, that just blasts away shadows. They dare their clients to transcend their fears, for instance, doing a live stream in a made up language.

It’s like the bungee jump approach to coaching. You are scared but excited at the same time. But you feel so empowered once you’ve done it. You will have collapsed a lot of fear-processing into a supernova event, rather than drawing it out over weeks, months, or even years. Tony Robbins for the female soul.

The question for me is … do I dare to put myself through this (hell yes!) and do I dare to put my clients through this (hmmm).

Because there’s another approach that I also felt right to take, to unfold my work. As a teacher. Steadily, progressively, creating a platform of content, that will draw the right audience and clients.

The difference between the two approaches feels to be the same as the difference between game-hunting and planting a vegetable garden, in order to provide nourishing sustenance.

The difference between masculine and feminine approaches to feeding their families.

Between adrenaline and constancy.

Do I have to choose one of the other? No.

My hesitancy lies in the risk of burning out or burning clients too harshly. But is this realistic? Because we’re talking about accessing our own true light. Which IS powerful and radiant.

Could it hurt us to be plunged into it, like jumping into freezing cold water?

Isn’t that the goal of all the spiritual teachings?

From where I am, the process looks and feels a tad brutal. Harshly (divine) masculine. THAT is the heart of my lesson.

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